THIS JUST IN… BREAKING NEWS!!! LOOK OUT EDUCATIONAL FURNITURE WORLD!!!
ARLINGTON, TX (aka the Philtrum of DFW) – In a statement issued at 3:50pm CST, Wednesday, Oct 6th, Paragon Furniture President, Mark Hubbard, announced the company is going to become the leading supplier of furniture built for education and training environments. Curiously, the statement was issued only moments after right handed flame-throwing Texas Ranger pitcher, Neftali Feliz, recorded the final out in game 1 of the Rangers 5-1 American League Division Series win over the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
Clearly buoyed by only the 2nd playoff victory in Texas Rangers’ history, Hubbard said, “Ya man, we’re just going to lace ‘em up, go out there and play our game to the bestus of our ability.” In describing Paragon’s strategy for what would be unprecedented growth in a mature industry, Hubbard answered with a question of his own: “We finally figured out that we can only grow if we sell more than we used to. So, we’ve decided we’re going to do more selling and take over the world, like Hans Gruber commanded the feathered hairstyle in ‘Die Hard’, you know what I’m sayin’?”
Misquoting President John F. Kennedy, Hubbard attempted to rally Paragon employees, while speaking in Irish accent: “Ask not what Paragon can do for you – ask everybody you know to do more buying from Paragon.” Undeterred by the audible and collective groan from the audience, Hubbard went on to parody Lee Greenwood’s song “God Bless the USA,” by substituting “Please Buy From Us Today.”
Asked about Paragon’s unsurpassed reputation for making quality computer lab tables, school desks, workstations, library shelving, and media cabinets, Hubbard credited the hard work of all Paragon employees (excluding himself), double rainbows, and pine tar.
For more about Paragon Furniture and its world domination plan, please visit www.paragoninc.com.